Dating Dames - Dating & Relationship Advice, Tips and Trends

It’ll Happen When You Least Expect It

First of all- Hello. I am new to Dating Dames, filing in as the plural in Dames. I am a chronically single, self-proclaimed hot girl, and think I can add a little something to this site. My personal site is FitDarcie if you want to find out more about me.  I’m looking forward to chatting with you in the comment section.

I’ll start you off with a dating story. I always hate it when people say meeting someone will “happen when you least expect it”. I do agree with it, but at the same time, I wouldn’t pull down my Lavalife profile because of it. Then one of my friends was telling me a story about a guy she recently met…on Craigslist.

When I say she met him on Craigslist, I don’t mean in the personals section (Kevin over at PointlessBanter did a whole series on Craigslist Creep of the Week), I mean she put an ad on Craigslist to sell her sofa and met a man. Now, it wasn’t “Nice sofa, let’s hang out sometime”. She’s been working at it.

She started the story off my telling me that, via e-mail and by the sounds of his name, he seemed like he might have some potential. I knew I was in for a good story when she said that. So he showed up at the prearranged time (and she gussied herself up), and he was tall, dark AND handsome. He tried out the couch and said that if anyone else was interested to let him know.

The next day, she lied to him via e-mail, telling him that someone else had come by to look at the couch, just so that she could have an excuse to talk to him. A few e-mails later and they were scheduling a time  to meet up again…so she could look at his dining room set.

At the dining-room meet up, he offers her something to drink. Thinking she hit the jackpot, she said yes, and asked what he had. He answered water. Clearly an indication he was merely concerned with her level of hydration. It was even clearer still when he opened a fridge full of beer.

She told him she wasn’t sure about the table, and would think about it. Of course she is going to buy it, she needs more time with Couch Man! She arranged a time to meet up with him to pick up the couch, which is going to happen this week. I have advised her not to purchase anything else from him, no x-boxes or segas or whatever the kids are playing these days. I will update you with what happens when it does…and wish her luck!

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By Darcie Vany -- 0 comments

A Click Of My Mouse and I’m Single Again

I changed my My Space status to “single.” I know that probably doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I thought about it for a long time before I did it and even now I feel sort of sick to my stomach. The way I see it, if I haven’t heard from my man in two months, if 3 holidays went by without any happy/merry whatever wishes, if even the simplest message is met with silence, well I’m pretty sure that means he’s just not into me anymore.

I feel sad and disappointed because I honestly believe that I tried my best and was a good partner. I wasn’t petty. I wasn’t bitchy. I kept an open mind and I was patient. So ridiculously patient. I think I’ve disappointed my family in some way, made them doubt my self-confidence or my sense of self-preservation. My older daughter has mentioned that to me, “Mom what are you doing?” My sister assumed I was already “single” more than once.

It was complicated. My first love back in my life, something I always dreamed of, an idea that stayed at the back of my mind for over 20 years. And when we were together, we were so happy. I can remember one fight in our year and a half together. One. We did have a couple of scrappy phone calls, but they were about things like our differing views of the Constitution or ……well, really that’s the only one I can remember. When he was in town, it was hugging and kissing and cooking and laughing……but in the last year he has rarely been in town. He’s spent most of the last year unemployed and I told myself that his absence, his silence was because of that- he was off-kilter, scared, uncertain about his future. So, I waited it out and after awhile he’d call and come see me and everything would feel normal again. For awhile.

My expectations of people, they’ve sometimes been a bit much. People are flawed, I’m flawed. I don’t expect as much anymore, but the times that this man has let me down, well it’s grown too much for me now. He’s capable of being the most wonderful generous man, but it doesn’t appear that he is that invested in being the wonderful man. He gives up on himself or on me or……I really shouldn’t try to guess. His reasons are his reasons. I can’t make him love me. I can’t make him treat me with respect or courtesy.

So we go out like this - no big break up, no fight, no teary anything, just a click of my mouse and I’m single again.

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By Michelle Smith -- 3 comments

Using Biodata To Find a Spouse

I’m fascinated by the way different cultures approach dating and marriage. Traditions like arranged marriages used to sound crazy to me, but as I mature, I’ve developed a more open mind. I’ve realized that just because we believe we know best here in the West, that doesn’t mean that we actually do know best.  Where did we get that anyway?  That belief that our way of doing things is superior?  In the case of dating, it’s sure not backed up by measurable statistics like divorce rates.

Today I found something about using biodata to find a potential mate.  Biodata is essentially a resume that focuses a good deal on who you came from, as well as were you are now.  Who are your people?  Do your people fit with my people?  Do our bloodlines go together?  Information is gathered and then posted on a matrimonial website.  

Part resume, part personal ad, and part family tree, biodata can cut through the time-consuming process of finding a spouse by turning it into something akin to a job interview: What are his qualifications? Is she a good match? What is his income potential?

Used primarily by South Asians in arranged marriages, biodata emphasizes compatibility, education, and family history, including caste, more than romance. There are also physical factors to be considered, such as complexion and, occasionally, blood type.

Even among assimilating South Asian Americans like Thaker, the exchange of biodata is popular. In fact, some believe that the deeply rooted tradition is on the rise in part because of the rapid pace of modern life and the increasing popularity of matrimonial websites.

 

What do you think of the idea of using biodata to find a spouse?  Have you heard of this before?  Do you think it has any merit for people in the West?

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By Michelle Smith -- 1 comment

No Luck Looking For Love? Try A Dating Coach

Is 2009 the year that you find love?  Are you finding that dating is presenting challenges that might benefit from a professional’s input? 

Annie Gleason, a dating coach from the Bay Area of California,  who focuses on working with mid-life singles, offers a variety of services including Telecourses, Workshops, Online Profile Tune-ups, Wardrobe Wake-ups, and flirting Field Days.

Training for Romance

How can coaching help you to get into a great relationship? If you’ve been dating without success, coaching helps you to develop first-rate dating prowess. You’ll develop insight into how the opposite sex really handles sex and relationships. Coaching leads you to a smoother road to love.

For example, if you have a tough time meeting people, you’ll soon become an expert at Fearless Flirting and Decoding Dating Signals. You’ll take advantage of the power of the Internet by Optimizing Online Dating.

Do you have an easy time getting the first few dates, but never get into a relationship?
Once you master the Body Language of Dating, and Dating with Acumen modules, you’ll easily modify your dating behavior, increasing your chances of success.

If you tend to get into dead-end relationships, we’ll focus on Scouting Out Quality Singles. You’ll learn how to tell a great prospective partner from a jerk before you get involved! Utilize my Savvy Seduction Strategies to discover what you need to know before you bed him (or her). Soon you’ll recognize whether you’re dealing with Fling, Fantasy, or Blooming Love!

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By Michelle Smith -- 2 comments

Pickups & Hookups - Ready for some redneck dating?

I read about a new reality show that is currently being pitched to CMT - Country Music Television. 

Redneck romance is the focus of Pickups & Hookups, a new dating show being pitched for CMT. Filming of the pilot episode took place a few weeks ago at Don Balaban’s farm in Thonotosassa, northeast of Tampa.

Call it a honkytonk version of The Bachelorette, where a group of men vie for the affection of one woman during a series of eliminations. In Pickups, the girl chooses from three men, starting with an inspection of their pickup trucks. With flashlight and kitchen tongs, she scopes out each man’s truck and eliminates one that least matches her style.

The owners of the two remaining trucks arm-wrestle each other to determine who gets the first date with her. The dates involve some type of country activity, from Spam carving to skeet shooting to mattress riding (where you tie a mattress behind a pickup and hold on for dear life). The dates end with lunch.

A short 30 minutes later, the woman chooses which guy she’d like to see again, and they ride off.

This actually reminds me a bit of home. I used to live in a small town and I can remember dates spent in a pick-up, scouting good deer hunting spots, my head on my guy’s shoulder, my fingers orange with Cheeto dust. One time, we threw a mattress in the back of my boyfriend’s pickup and camped under the stars with only tequila and beer to drink. Seriously. No water. I could never do that now, I’d need to pack some good snacks and a big jug of water, I’m big on the hydration.

On thing that has not changed - I do still love sleeping under the stars with a cute boy.

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By Michelle Smith -- 0 comments

Huge Speed Dating Event

This is a guest post from Eliza Ferree. You can visit Eliza at her regular blogs, Babylune, where she talks about babies and parenting or over at  She Knows Coupons, where she’s doing her best to find you money-saving values.

Speed Dating isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but for those that just
don’t seem to have all the time in the world to try to get to know every
person before they go on a date, this may be for you.

Annual Marathon Speed Dating Event
Date: January 24, 2009

Time: 6-8:30 p.m.

Where: Atlantic City Country Club on Shore Road in Northfield

Cost: $25 fee  for yearly card members $30 for non-members.

You must RSVP by Jan 17, 2009 by calling 609-601-7884

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By Michelle Smith -- 0 comments

Happy New Year - Free Online Dating

Happy New Year to all you dating dames! I wish you a year of joy, good times, and great kisses!

I hope that you have something wonderful planned for tonight. If you don’t (like me) and you are staying home in your pjs (again, like me), remember that a new year can bring all sorts of surprises.  Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to the possibilities.

In the meantime, you might want to check out eHarmony’s Free Communication Weekend, which starts tomorrow and goes through the weekend.  When setting up your profile, remember Russ’s tips, and don’t be afraid to show off your personality.  You can’t use the fast track feature during eHarmony’s Free Communication Weekend, so get in there and get that profile put up right away on Thursday.

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By Michelle Smith -- 0 comments

Online Dating Does Not Suck

On October 28th, Lara posted the following poll, “If you could pick one dating site to use, which would it be?”

Out of a total of 19 votes the winning answer was “None, they all suck,” with 7 votes. Five places got 2 votes a piece: Match.com, Plenty of Fish.com, Yahoo Personals, Lavalife.com, and OkCupid.

I don’t believe that any of the services suck. Maybe sometimes the people who use the services aren’t as motivated or as sincere as we’d like them to be, but that’s not the fault of the service, in my opinion.

If you checked “they all suck,” then is it because of a bad experience? Did you have a bad date? Or no date whatsoever? Did you feel that they were too pricey for what they offered? Or were there two many weirdos?  Did you check “they suck,” because it was a funny answer? Or maybe because in the past you heard that online dating sucks, maybe you know someone who had a bad experience?

If something does not work then how about instead of complaining and blaming some faceless entity, we instead take some responsibility? Did it suck because you didn’t put effort into the project? Did you put a photo up, write a short bio of “It’s so hard to talk about myself, I don’t know what to say, I like to do everything…,” and then just sit back and wait for the potential suitors to fill up your inbox?

I know that I’m guilty of that. I know that if I am cutting someone short or waiting for the men to come to me, it’s because when it comes to the subject of dating someone new, I’m still quite a bit ambivalent.  I’m not sure I’m up to getting my heart broken again, especially when it’s not yet over my last love.  Why did I set up the profile?  Why haven’t I officially broken up with my absent for 7 weeks boyfriend?  Is it because I’m afraid of being single again?

As you can see, I’m a mess, but you, you, I can help. Stop saying something sucks. Instead make it work for you, especially if this is something that you sunk your hard-earned money into. With the coming of the New Year, people’s priorities change. They get this idea in their heads that they want their lives to fall into line - they have goals and resolutions and being lonely is never on anybody’s list of goals.

Or if it truly does suck, but you’d still like to meet somebody, try some other way. Nobody said that Online Dating was the answer to anyone’s prayers. It’s just a tool, just another way for busy people to meet.

They offer the service, it’s up to you to use it to the best of your ability. Now get out there and start having some fun.

Image credit: All Posters.com

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By Michelle Smith -- 0 comments

Blindfolded Speed Dating - Good or Bad Idea?

I read an article tonight that talked about Dr. Marco van Gelderen, a senior lecturer in the Department of Management and International Business, at Albany, who has done extensive research into the subject of dating as a service industry.

Dr. van Gelderen says the dating service industry has grown in recent years as a result of greater demand and rapidly evolving technology including the internet. But too many potential clients remain stuck in “singledom” because of a lack of industry awareness of their needs as well as ambivalence about using dating services.

“The dating industry has a number of special problems in being successful in connecting people,” says Dr van Gelderen. “First, people don’t like to admit that they are lonely. Loneliness is something that happens to other people.

“There is a social stigma to loneliness and even to being alone. There is also the perception that dating services are for losers.”

He interviewed many singles asking them questions about what factors affect attraction and dating. He wanted input that would help to create new ideas in the dating service industry. Some of the ideas that the Dr came up with include a combination dating and weight loss facility, blind-folded speed dating, and chatting about mundane, but commonly used products as a way to start conversation.

Read More - Blindfolded Speed Dating - Good or Bad Idea?

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By Michelle Smith -- 0 comments

Guy Lights Himself On Fire To Impress His Date

This is another guest post from Eliza Ferree.

Oh, the pains we go through to impress those others when we go on a date. I
remember as a teen how friends would try to learn to smoke just so
they could get the eye of some popular or older boy. Or those boys
that would try speeding down the road to impress the girl in the car,
that is until they were pulled over and given a speeding ticket. Or
the ones that would take their date to a bonfire and tell her how big
it was to go to an “adult” party, only to find
out it was a political party for a much older crowd.

Yes, men and women both will do some crazy things when trying to
impress a date, but this guy has them all beat. Imagine a man that
tries doing a stunt by lighting himself on fire. It backfires and he
ends up with some serious burns and rushed to ER. Ummm, sorry, not
everyone should play with fire…especially while trying to toss
gasoline on your arms. Idiot!

What are some crazy things you tried doing to impress someone? Or if
you’ve never been crazy how about someone trying to impress you?

Eliza Ferree can be found over at Babylune or SheknowsCoupons, where
she’s always trying to help you with those babies and saving money.

Image credit: All Posters.com

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By Michelle Smith -- 2 comments